Moviemaker Mind

It started with the most basic and powerful – adrenaline a frequently used pathway within my body from a traumatic childhood. I would track the adrenaline getting closer and closer to the adrenal gland and eventually beyond – all the way to the brain – and at times capturing the auditory or visual trigger which caused the reaction in my body. It was so fast but still measurable in some way.

Then a strange thing happened. I could stimulate adrenaline at will. From there I turned to other passageways in my body mostly the highly physical fun ones like sexuality. And once those basics had been studied to my satisfaction I explored and perfected energy projection from my internal physical and brain self to externally to other people. Things got out of balance and became exaggerated – it became toxic and destructive to me. Possibly because I was not correctly aligned to begin with. You cannot add horsepower to a one winged plane and not expect it to hasten the impending implosion. Fortunately, last minute catastrophe was averted by the introduction of a lifelong friend and my journey went elsewhere.

To the forest, in fact, where for some extended time I delighted in forest essences. Deep spirituality penetrated my confused inside self and a healing light of innocence restored. And then, of course, the physical lower charkas or biological physics again flared up and I fell through a hole in the sky and could not find my way back. My journey again went elsewhere.

I have experimented through availability and often intent all things seemingly appealing, odd or interesting throughout my life. Something different always presents itself and my life is again altered dramatically. The price is usually the same: joy, anguish, pain, adventure and more curiosity.

Now here at the very end of my forties I face extremes. I had become paralyzed in my life and I have a sense of hastening a dramatic occurrence. I am open to the possibility that my Zenist could be that force, the catalyst for truth time. Shake that earth, see what is left standing.

I have a hope that the true power of creativity will be released – geyser, quiet spring or droplet? What is creativity?

But then again, all that is far away because I still have not silenced my thoughts.